Exposing Google’s underbelly

Exposing Google’s underbelly

As a blogger, I watch the ups and downs of my blogs’ attendance as closely as I used to watch my Amazon.com ratings. Thanks to Google Analytics, however, I can now find out much more than how many people are visiting my site. Through Analytics I can find out how long visitors lingered, which pages they looked at, what part of the world they are from.

But most of all, I can also find out what search words they typed into Google that led them to my little website, and in this, the fun begins. In scanning the search words, I discover what it is that that people are looking for.

And so, according to my experience, if you want people visiting your blog, here are the words you should use.

Hats for men with long hair

In a blog post about style in the Court of the Sun King, I made mention of hats and men with long hair. (The post was: “Hats and long hair: for men only?”) I was astonished to discover that quite a number of people came to this rather obscure blog on 17th-century research. They had Google searched “hats for men with long hair.” Apparently, there is a crying need! (Marketers, take note.) To name a few of the Google searches (without any corrections to grammar):

best kind of hats for long hair

hats for long haired men

hats for longer hair

hats for thick long hair

hats to wear for long hair for men

hats with hair 4 men

historic men with long hair

how do you wear a dress hat with long hair

how to wear hats with long hair

long hair and hats

long hair hat

long hair in fancy dress

men long hair with hat

men’s fashion hats for long hair

mens caps with long hair

I’ll end with one cute variation on this theme: someone searched Google for “two longhaired guys side by side.” Without hats, however. And ended up on my blog. (Such a disappointment.)


The second subject of interest was somewhat worrisome. I wrote a blog about the use of cantharides (Spanish fly) at the Court of the Sun King. (“Athénaïs: innocent or guilty?”) A swirl of searches resulted:

history of Spanish fly

spanish fly history

how to prepare cantharides

medical problems with spanish fly

spanish fly experience

spanish fly for horses

spanish fly tincture

Spanish fly is used as an aphrodisiac, but it can be deadly — the Marquis de Sade killed two young women in this way — and so these searches, apparently out of Africa, concerned me.


The third subject of universal interest — no surprise here — is cleavage. On this blog, some time ago, I wrote about “Google adventures into the history of cleavage.” My research had, surprisingly, revealed that — contrary to our expectation — aristocratic women of the 17thcentury used corsets to make them look flat. (They didn’t want to look like a milkmaid.) A number of searches mentioned cleavage, including this one, which I find intriguing: “historical cleavages in Canada.”

Last, but never least: Oprah

On a final note (this I’ve read but not tested): put the words “Oprah Winfrey” into your blog and you will be overwhelmed with visitors.

And so, to conclude, the foolproof sentence I suggest one use to attract traffic to a blog is:

Oprah Winfrey has no need for Spanish fly; her cleavage alone attracts men with long hair wearing hats.